Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
