My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
