I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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