Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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