Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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