You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
