nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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