Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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