i think my tv is drunk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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