"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize