you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
