Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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