see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize