My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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