You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I did not marry a roomba.
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