Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
