Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
