I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
