Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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