Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
