Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
