i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
