I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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