another moral hangover. fuck.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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