I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
