Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
