If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
