Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
