Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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