I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
