Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
