Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
