i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
