My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?