he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dating After Heartbreak
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.