never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.