Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!