i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong