omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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