you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
