Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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