I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
