I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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