it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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