Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
