good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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