the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
