its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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