cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
