I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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