Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
