I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
