Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
