he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
