Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
