Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
