he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
