Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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