Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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