dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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