We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
