ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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