cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize