As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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